At the beginning of the year, I said I wanted to work on accepting my body, we’re now 6 months in so how have I done? My body and I have been on a long old journey and for year’s I have hidden under baggy t-shirt’s and ill-fitting clothes. Why? Well, let’s go all the way back to the beginning and I’ll tell you how my body insecurities came about and how I’m trying to overcome them.
As a child growing up I was always busy, I had an after school club for everyday of the week, dance classes, swimming training with competitions at the weekends even martial art’s classes the only day’s I would rest were the weekends I wasn’t competing. I would happily walk around in tiny cropped tops and little shorts and not even bat an eyelid, until I hit puberty, then it all changed. It was the cat-calls across the street, the wandering eye’s, the comments, some women thrive for that kind of attention, for me it put me on edge and the more I developed that ‘womanly’ figure the worse it got, and so my clothes got baggier over time to hide what was underneath.
I always wanted to dress like the other girls, but I couldn’t, consistently being told it would attract too much of the wrong attention (which it did). My growing disgust at my body for providing me with the ‘body type every girl wants’ led me on a roller-coaster battle with not only my clothing options but also how I view myself and other’s around me.
I see all these girls wanting ‘bigger boobs’ ‘bigger bum’ ‘smaller waist’ ‘taller’ and I’m here wishing to be more inconspicuous, what I’d give to have their bodies… what they’d give to have mine…
This notion of ‘perfection’ that thing that we strive towards that’s always just out of reach, it’s all in our heads and it come’s from the insecurities that have been embedded into us growing up. Girls/women should look a certain way, guys/men should act a certain way, if they don’t have it/behave in that way they need to change, and if you have it you should flaunt it and accept it. Accept the fact that you’re gonna be cat-called, accept that your gonna have remarks and comment’s made to you, but maybe we should accept not everyone wants the attention that comes with how they look or act, maybe we should all accept we are all beautiful exactly as we are and don’t need to change our body image or the way we act to live up to expectations.
I’ve met people who tell me I shouldn’t hide my body under baggy clothes and numerous layers and accept what I have (flaunt it) but its not in my nature (certainly not anymore at least) but there are day’s like this week when the suns beaming down on us that I don’t want to be walking around in huge clothes, I wanna be able to wear something lightweight and comfortable like everyone else. The detrimental effects of growing up through puberty and the actions of those around me has left me as an adult only now at 25, learning to accept and love my body, learning to accept that it is what it is, I and I can’t/don’t want to change it and that I can go out the house in a cropped tee and short’s without being approached, but maybe that’s because I’ve also toughened up to it and learnt to block it all out and get on with my life rather than focusing on what other’s might be saying or thinking about me.
So how have I done? From January I started purchasing clothes that were actually my size and not 3 sizes bigger, and even bought a belt to accentuate my waist (and hold my jeans up because it’s hard to find jeans that are big enough to fit over your hips but then small enough to cinch in at the waist, although the new paperbag trend is perfect for this). This week, I bought a cropped TIGHTFITTING top…AND… I wore it out to the shops (it was a quick nip in and out) I’m starting to enjoy clothes again, it’s been so long since I’ve really enjoyed shopping for clothes I actually like and get me excited to wear them!
As I learn to embrace my body and love it for everything it does… because lets be real it’s a pretty good body (functionality wise not aesthetically speaking) and one day we will all reflect on what we had and what we did and wish we had embraced it and used it wisely, I ask you all to join with me and embrace your beautiful bodies!
Leave me a comment below about something you love about your body and why you love it, and any body hang up’s you may have and together we’ll learn to love ourselves and each other!!
*Image’s are from my Instagram account: emma.rollason
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